Kazakhstan
Um, where is that again?
Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan is pretty close to China and a huge, gigantic freaking place. It's about a third of the size of the entire United States but has a population that's a bit less than New York.
So what did they wear?
It appears that even though Kazahkstan is the largest land locked country in the world, they have a national obsession with embellished sailor hats. This particular embellished sailor hat has lots of frilly orange fleur-de-lys type designs on it with some cool silver edging. Why did those things ever go out of style in the first place? The rest of the outfit is just as awesome, and versatile too. The shirt has an Oriental cut to it, but Russian styling and the piece on top, well, what can you really say except that it's the essence of fabulous.
Benin
Um, where is that again?
C'mon, right by Togo and Burkina Faso? And if you're thinking, "Hey, that's not Benin, that's Dahomey!", well sir, you're still wrong, but we'll give you partial credit. They renamed the country about thirty years ago. You might think about updating your map, we're pretty sure a few other lines were redrawn since then, too.
So what did they wear?
Certainly some of the most interesting head gear of the night - those floppy gold hats aren't really a typical design we could recognize, not even from the traditional African wear we see around the UN. It does however lend a nice touch to an otherwise stark dressing style - the one thing we can't figure out though is what are their clothes made from, paper? It has a strange texture that looks like starched linen or another unique fabric choice.
Burundi
Um, where is that again?
Smack in the center of Southern Africa. In fact, it's actually the smallest country on the continent. Sadly, Benin is also one of the poorest and has a rather unstable political environment.
So what did they wear?
Clearly the best accessories of the night - lances for the men with grass crowns and shields or brushes or whatever those other things are. The man skirts are interesting, too, and almost look like they're made with the same fabric as a keffiyeh, those arabic scarves hipsters now enjoy wearing.
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India
Um, where is that again?
Yeah, so turns out those delicious fried samosa things did not originate from Curry in a Hurry on Lexington Avenue, they come from this whole other country! And get this - they think cows are gods there! Ha, we know, we know, hard to believe but it's true, we swear. They make these weird musicals there, too. No kidding, check it out.
So what did they wear?
Apparently no one told the Indians that you can cut the humidity in China with a knife - what other reason could explain full length robes and scarves? Still, white is big during the summer and it looks great with their skin tone. It's also rather daring that India didn't feel the need to dress in their flag colors, but went with something traditional and minimalist.
Marshall Islands
Um, where is that again?
Another one of those far-flung South Pacific nations that's more a collection of sand dunes peaking out of the ocean than anything. Interestingly enough though, the Marshall Islands primary industry is not tourism, but suing the United States for blowing up nuclear weapons there in the 40s and 50s. Still, that radioactive glow gives it a sunset like no other place in the world. Book a trip now, before global warming raises sea levels by another few inches and wipes it off the face of the earth.
So what did they wear?
Call us crazy, but there's a slight 'island luau' vibe to these uniforms, don't you think? The hula skirt, the leis of fringed coconut husk - it seems like they thought they were on the way to a spit-roast or something. Just imagine the embarrassment when they got to the center of the stadium and all they had was Cup Noodles.
New Zealand
Um, where is that again?
Please. This is the one place you should really know on our list - didn't you see all those Lord of the Rings movies? Wine, kiwis, any of that ring a bell, Carmen Sandiego?
So what did they wear?
Most of the team seemed to go with a waiter's uniform of some type, but not flag-bearer Mahe Drysdale. You see, Drysdale has this all-time favorite rug in his apartment in Wellington - it's a shag carpet rug dyed in brown and the guy takes it everywhere. Literally, everywhere with him. It's kind of a Linus security blanket type thing. Anyhow, when he got the gig to lead his country into the Bird's Nest stadium in Beijing, he was so excited to show off his rug that he decided to wear it as a cape. You go, rugman!
Papua New Guinea
Um, where is that again?
Right above Australia, mate. It's a beautiful, rugged place, or so we're told - given that they speak over 800 languages and have a rampant rate of HIV infection, we won't be able to give you our personal impressions anytime soon.
So what did they wear?
Papua New Guinea loves Tina Turner. LOVES. So it's only fitting they took her most famous outfit, you know, that silvery number with all the threads hanging off that vibrates like crazy when she dances, and dyed it in their country's colors. It's unclear why the men have to wear navy skirts, but from the looks of
this picture, the look was actually an immense exercise in restraint.
Sierra Leone
Um, where is that again?
Remember "Blood Diamond" or that Kanye West song, "Diamonds Are Forever"? Yeah, it's that place - one of those corrupt, war torn nations that you probably shouldn't ever visit unless you have your own private army escort or something. At the same time the weather is supposed to be pretty nice so send us a postcard if you go.
So what did they wear?
Flowing baby-blue robes and wheatgrass hued chef hats concealing bags of uncut diamonds on their heads. See the Chinese girl looking off to the side? She's giving her partner the heads up to bring her briefcase of cash to the archery qualifiers tomorrow.
Tuvalu
Um, where is that again?
Tuvalu is another one of those absurdly small nations run out of the office of tourism in the local strip mall. All you need to know is it's basically in the South Pacific and beautiful. If you're thinking of booking your honeymoon keep the name in mind.
So what did they wear?
Tuvalu went for a kind of fashion mullet. It was business on the bottom and party up top - kind of like a corporate retreat for these guys we imagine. No one else dared to wear fuchsia though, and they're all working some strange floral pendants, too. We know doping is illegal at the games, but what about Voodoo?
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| The Weirdest Olympic Fashion in Beijing |
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| Posted: Monday, August 11, 2008 |
| By: Debonair Staff |
|
Kazakhstan
Um, where is that again?
Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan is pretty close to China and a huge, gigantic freaking place. It's about a third of the size of the entire United States but has a population that's a bit less than New York.
So what did they wear?
It appears that even though Kazahkstan is the largest land locked country in the world, they have a national obsession with embellished sailor hats. This particular embellished sailor hat has lots of frilly orange fleur-de-lys type designs on it with some cool silver edging. Why did those things ever go out of style in the first place? The rest of the outfit is just as awesome, and versatile too. The shirt has an Oriental cut to it, but Russian styling and the piece on top, well, what can you really say except that it's the essence of fabulous.
Benin
Um, where is that again?
C'mon, right by Togo and Burkina Faso? And if you're thinking, "Hey, that's not Benin, that's Dahomey!", well sir, you're still wrong, but we'll give you partial credit. They renamed the country about thirty years ago. You might think about updating your map, we're pretty sure a few other lines were redrawn since then, too.
So what did they wear?
Certainly some of the most interesting head gear of the night - those floppy gold hats aren't really a typical design we could recognize, not even from the traditional African wear we see around the UN. It does however lend a nice touch to an otherwise stark dressing style - the one thing we can't figure out though is what are their clothes made from, paper? It has a strange texture that looks like starched linen or another unique fabric choice.
Burundi
Um, where is that again?
Smack in the center of Southern Africa. In fact, it's actually the smallest country on the continent. Sadly, Benin is also one of the poorest and has a rather unstable political environment.
So what did they wear?
Clearly the best accessories of the night - lances for the men with grass crowns and shields or brushes or whatever those other things are. The man skirts are interesting, too, and almost look like they're made with the same fabric as a keffiyeh, those arabic scarves hipsters now enjoy wearing.
India
Um, where is that again?
Yeah, so turns out those delicious fried samosa things did not originate from Curry in a Hurry on Lexington Avenue, they come from this whole other country! And get this - they think cows are gods there! Ha, we know, we know, hard to believe but it's true, we swear. They make these weird musicals there, too. No kidding, check it out.
So what did they wear?
Apparently no one told the Indians that you can cut the humidity in China with a knife - what other reason could explain full length robes and scarves? Still, white is big during the summer and it looks great with their skin tone. It's also rather daring that India didn't feel the need to dress in their flag colors, but went with something traditional and minimalist.
Marshall Islands
Um, where is that again?
Another one of those far-flung South Pacific nations that's more a collection of sand dunes peaking out of the ocean than anything. Interestingly enough though, the Marshall Islands primary industry is not tourism, but suing the United States for blowing up nuclear weapons there in the 40s and 50s. Still, that radioactive glow gives it a sunset like no other place in the world. Book a trip now, before global warming raises sea levels by another few inches and wipes it off the face of the earth.
So what did they wear?
Call us crazy, but there's a slight 'island luau' vibe to these uniforms, don't you think? The hula skirt, the leis of fringed coconut husk - it seems like they thought they were on the way to a spit-roast or something. Just imagine the embarrassment when they got to the center of the stadium and all they had was Cup Noodles.
New Zealand
Um, where is that again?
Please. This is the one place you should really know on our list - didn't you see all those Lord of the Rings movies? Wine, kiwis, any of that ring a bell, Carmen Sandiego?
So what did they wear?
Most of the team seemed to go with a waiter's uniform of some type, but not flag-bearer Mahe Drysdale. You see, Drysdale has this all-time favorite rug in his apartment in Wellington - it's a shag carpet rug dyed in brown and the guy takes it everywhere. Literally, everywhere with him. It's kind of a Linus security blanket type thing. Anyhow, when he got the gig to lead his country into the Bird's Nest stadium in Beijing, he was so excited to show off his rug that he decided to wear it as a cape. You go, rugman!
Papua New Guinea
Um, where is that again?
Right above Australia, mate. It's a beautiful, rugged place, or so we're told - given that they speak over 800 languages and have a rampant rate of HIV infection, we won't be able to give you our personal impressions anytime soon.
So what did they wear?
Papua New Guinea loves Tina Turner. LOVES. So it's only fitting they took her most famous outfit, you know, that silvery number with all the threads hanging off that vibrates like crazy when she dances, and dyed it in their country's colors. It's unclear why the men have to wear navy skirts, but from the looks of this picture, the look was actually an immense exercise in restraint.
Sierra Leone
Um, where is that again?
Remember "Blood Diamond" or that Kanye West song, "Diamonds Are Forever"? Yeah, it's that place - one of those corrupt, war torn nations that you probably shouldn't ever visit unless you have your own private army escort or something. At the same time the weather is supposed to be pretty nice so send us a postcard if you go.
So what did they wear?
Flowing baby-blue robes and wheatgrass hued chef hats concealing bags of uncut diamonds on their heads. See the Chinese girl looking off to the side? She's giving her partner the heads up to bring her briefcase of cash to the archery qualifiers tomorrow.
Tuvalu
Um, where is that again?
Tuvalu is another one of those absurdly small nations run out of the office of tourism in the local strip mall. All you need to know is it's basically in the South Pacific and beautiful. If you're thinking of booking your honeymoon keep the name in mind.
So what did they wear?
Tuvalu went for a kind of fashion mullet. It was business on the bottom and party up top - kind of like a corporate retreat for these guys we imagine. No one else dared to wear fuchsia though, and they're all working some strange floral pendants, too. We know doping is illegal at the games, but what about Voodoo?
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