In Parker’s moment of weakness, Gwen Stacy’s father informs him that his uncle’s
real killer, Flint Marko, is on the loose. Recognizing Marko as the Sandman, Parker is filled with anger. That night, the mysterious black ooze that has seemingly bided its time for weeks on Peter’s floor, latches on to Parker in the form of a black, alter ego Spidey suit.
Abandon all hope ye who watch from here.What could have been a fantastic exercise in character development – Parker battling his inner demons ala’ Christian Bale in
Batman Begins, instead devolves into utter shambles and failed camp and comedy. Peter’s turn to the “dark side” is portrayed through a new hairstyle, multiple dance numbers, and the occasional beatnick catch phrase. (
I’m serious). Parker’s transformation plays out so poorly it makes
Superman 3’s Bad Superman vs. Good Clark look Shakespearean in scope.
Put off by Peter’s new persona (or maybe his comb-over), Mary Jane retreats to Harry where they share a special moment dancing and cooking omelettes. MJ and Harry kiss, breaking Harry from his spell of amnesia and allowing him to “flashback” to his father’s inner-monologue from
Spiderman 1! Harry then convinces Mary Jane (with almost no resistance from MJ) to tell Peter she is seeing another man. A role that Harry is happy to assume and flaunt to a wounded Parker. Parker is glad to reciprocate her betrayal by blowing off half of Harry’s face with a bomb.
Losing a staff position at the
Daily Bugle, an angered Parker exposes rival photographer Eddie Brock as a fake, costing Brock his job. To celebrate, Parker dances a gay cabaret with Gwen Stacy at a bar waitressed by Mary Jane. After yet another ridiculous dance number, a fight erupts and Peter accidentally strikes MJ down. In his shame, Parker, retreats to a bell tower to dislodge his symbiotic black suit. Black Spidey’s tortuous screams garner the attention of Eddie Brock, who is praying to Jesus Christ for Parker’s death (
yet another inappropriate scene). Seeking a new host, the black alien ooze assimilates Brock creating a sharp-toothed monster called Venom (although the creature is unnamed in the film).
Venom and Sandman concoct a scheme to hold Mary Jane hostage in a construction site, and by wreaking enough havoc to get on the news, hoping to lure, entrap, and kill Spiderman. Peter’s first reaction – ask for the assistance of a now deformed Harry Osborn (all logical motivation thus abandoned). Harry refuses. Spidey swings into a trap. Television reporters start speaking in British accents. MJ defies death multiple times as Venom and Sandman take their shots at Spiderman.
Having bided his time for years looking for the right moment, Osborn’s butler Bernard tells Harry that Spiderman did not kill his father. Osborn, the maniacal villain who listens only to his sociopath inner voice, decides to listen to his butler.
Green Goblin off to save the day! Spiderman and Harry trade laughable one-liners as they battle Venom and Sandman. Venom impales Harry. Spiderman kills Venom. The audience can’t help but laugh (and start walking out). Sandman apologizes to Parker and “dramatically” blows off into the wind. Mary Jane and Peter hold Harry as he dies. The sun sets on Manhattan. The end.
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