Ten Holiday Movies For Guys Who Don’t Care For Holiday Movies

Every year from Thanksgiving until Christmas (and sometimes longer) we are subjected to a barrage of positive, uplifting holiday movies geared mostly towards children and adults who live for these 4 long weeks (ie. my wife).  The number of times I’ve been forced to watch It’s a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, or others of the sort are beyond my recollection – mostly because I’ve blocked them out of my head.  Now, we’re not trying to play Scrooge.  We enjoy the holiday season.  We love the parties and gifts and meals, & braving the cold and crowds to run up our credit cards for overpriced gifts.  But then there are those sappy, mainstream, traditional holiday movies.

This year we at Debonair decided to make a list to benefit all the people out there who will be forced to suggest a holiday movie – but not necessarily one that is positive or uplifting, perhaps a little bit funny, and quite possibly rather scary. Enjoy…

1.    Black Christmas, 1974 – We begin this list with this Canadian slasher classic because what’s a better way to stick a wrench into the spirit of the season?  Well, to actually stick a wrench in it, or a knife, or a meat cleaver.

2.    The Hebrew Hammer, 2003 – “Who’s the certified circumcised dick who’s a sex machine to all the chicks?” Nope, it ain’t Shaft.  When Damien (Andy Dick), Santa’s evil replacement (and son) is hell-bent on destroying Hanukkah, the JJL (Jewish Justice League) calls on The Hebrew Hammer (Adam Goldberg) to save the day.  co-starring Judy Greer, Tony Cox, and Mario Van Peebles this holiday spoof has enough stereotypes to keep the censors sharp, and your stomach hurting from laughter.  “Shabbat Shalom Mother Fuckers!!”

3.    Die Hard, 1988 & Die Hard 2: Die Harder, 1990 – The terrorists, explosions, Bruce Willis’ bloody wife beater, Dennis Franz, guns, chases, and foul language make you forget that both movies are set around John McClane trying to reconcile with his wife at Christmas.  Alan Rickman’s Hans Gruber is still one of the all-time great movie villains.

4.    Love Actually, 2003 – Yes, this one is sappy.  It’s a love story set around Christmas in London.  But watch it, if for no other reason than the scene in the middle of the movie featuring Elisha Cuthbert, January Jones, and Ivana Milicevic as three American girls who fall for the ugly Brit.  The nude scene is implied, but with those three I’m sure you can let your imagination do the work.

5.    Bad Santa, 2003 – Billy Bob Thornton plays Willie, a drunken jerk who along with his partner in crime, Marcus played by Tony Cox get jobs annually as Santa and his elf at mall department stores only to rob them blind on Christmas eve.  However, everything changes and Willie finds he has a heart when he shacks up with a downtrodden kid, his invalid grandmother, and Sue a sultry bartender played by Lauren Graham.  The late John Ritter and Bernie Mac round out the hilarious cast.

6.    Scrooged, 1988 – The comic genius of Bill Murray is rounded out by Karen Allen, Bobcat Goldthwait, Carol Kane, David Johansen, and all three of Bill’s brothers in this take on the classic A Christmas Carol.  Equally funny and creepy, with enough heartfelt sap at the end to make it agreeable for the traditionalists.

7.   Just Friends, 2005 – A classic tale of the fat kid running to the other side of the country to become a sexy rock producer before returning home ten years later by accident, and reconnecting with the love of his life.  It’s a sappy plot, but the antics are hilarious.  The film stars Ryan Reynolds as Chris Brander, Amy Smart, Anna Faris, and Chris Klein plus Julie Haggerty of Airplane fame and Chris Marquette as the mom and brother to Chris.  There are enough one-liners to keep you quoting well into the new year.

8.    The Nightmare Before Christmas, 1993 – A creepy ghoul who lives in an all Halloween world finds himself transported to the world of Christmas in this Tim Burton animated classic.  It’s a perfect complement to the new Tim Burton MoMA exhibit on display through April 26, 2010.

9.    Four Christmases, 2008 – A couple played by Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon who normally gets the hell out of Dodge for the holidays is stranded, and forced to spend Christmas with each of their divorced parents resulting in, yep Four Christmases…in one day.  The all-star cast is rounded out by Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek, Jon Voight, Jon Favreau, Dwight Yoakam, Tim McGraw, and Kristin Chenoweth.  Laughs are abound in this hilarious take on family dynamics at the holidays, or anytime.

10.    Christmas Vacation, 1989 – Chevy Chase takes a final stab at being funny and succeeds.  The years that followed were not as kind until he showed up on this year’s Community, but for this film co-starring Beverly D’Angelo and Randy Quaid he relived his Fletch and SNL glory days.  Nothing ever goes right for the Griswold family, so why should Christmas be any different?