Rejected Organs - Unlikely Celebrity Organ Donors

Science is brimful with advancements that have taken place over the years—vaccines, prosthetics, Pamela Anderson.  Perhaps none are more complex and potentially life-saving that organ transplants.  But no matter how dire the situation, there is a limit to which organs you`d want making a cameo in your body cavity.  The following is a non-exhaustive list of some people`s organs we`d just as soon reject.

 

#6 - Mike Tyson`s Brain
Brain transplants clearly aren't even possible—but in case they ever are, we don't want to take the chance.  Iron Mike was not exactly mapping genomes prior to his illustrious boxing career, but the beating his brain matter took over a 20-year boxing career has no doubt left it as a largely utilitarian organ. Regulating breathing, modulating the bite-ear-or-flight instinct, that sort of thing. For those that might question this choice, remember that this is a man who tattooed half of his own face and threatened to eat the children of one of his opponents. 

 

#5 - Wayne Newton`s Skin
We don't have anything against Mr. Newton's skin.... we just don't think that he has any actual organic skin left.  Where his skin used to be—at least on his face—there now appears to be a space-age polymer capable of withstanding high heat and mortar fire. 

 

#4 - John Goodman`s Heart
The erstwhile voice of Dunkin' Donuts seems like he eats donuts all the time. It is likely that his heart is a four-chambered vessel of oozing coagulants and precarious prospects. That still doesn't change the fact that he was outstanding in The Big Lebowski, however.

 

#3 - Willie Nelson`s Lungs
The “Whiskey River” may take his mind on occasion, but fifty years of pot-smoking has likely left his lungs looking like the La Brea tar pits on a foggy night.  You have to respect Willie though - his longevity, his ability to appeal to a broad audience, and the fact that he hasn`t forgotten the words to all of his songs yet.

 

#2 - Keith Richards` Liver
As long as he is living, he is the obvious choice here. Considering the incalculable odds of him actually living as long as he has, he may actually be a zombie. Walking dead or not, he is a gaunt testament to the effects of chemical abuse. Still, even at 65, the rest of us just have to marvel at his endurance and brilliance – a shooting star that smells distinctly like Jack Daniels and indifference.

 

#1 - Keith Richards` Kidney
Ibid.  Actually, let's just make this a blanket rebuke of any of Richards' organs.   We wouldn't want any of them. 

		Philip  McCluskey Philip McCluskey is a freelance writer living in New York City. He can be reached at Philip (at) phreelancewriter.com.