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Expectations of relationships resemble those of the Yankees. A bond could have a good regular season, break attendance records, and for the most part enjoy a smooth ride to the next level. But like the recent Yankees, if one or two things go wrong when reaching that pivotal fork in the road, the season—and in this case, a relationship—could end suddenly when things start to fall apart.
We men can’t always remain friends with our exes. So instead of trying to work things out, we often take the easier route: break things off entirely and find the right “free agent? to temporarily fill the gap. After a few weeks or months, we may realize the long-term solution might not exist, and we come to appreciate what we had in the first place. Even if an old relationship wasn’t the ideal situation, some of us mistakenly think that recapturing that feeling might be better than being alone.
Before reaching out to an ex, you must first decide if you genuinely miss her.
Do you want her back because you loved the deep conversation and devoted friendship? Or is it because you pine for the sex, the handy wedding date, the sex, the fulfillment of your pride, or the sex?
The answer, in many cases, is none of the above. Instead, it is usually just old-fashioned jealousy that entices some of us to drop our integrity to try to win her back. It is oftentimes a paradoxical case of low self-esteem and outrageous ego that causes us to try to constrain the “legal? behavior of our former lovers (see: holding hands on the street or making out in a bar with someone else).
In reality, those irrational attempts at control (angry voicemail, email, text messages, etc.) can make you look foolish. These desperate measures would most likely damage any case you intended to make for getting back together. It may look as if you’re trying to show you care, but in the end portrays you as O.J. without the knife.
